Love me and leave me
by Temperance Rose
Summary: A Suliet reunion. An unexpected moment leads to things you could only dream of. If you can believe it....CHAPTER EIGHT IS UP! Sorry for the delay.
1. Chapter 1

"If I never had to meet you, then I never have to lose you"

It had been three years since he'd got off that island, three years spent walking the streets- getting on with his life, lonely and unneeded- unwanted by anyone. She had always had his back, but now she was gone. She'd made the ultimate sacrifice, by dying and blowing up that bomb it had pulled them away from the island for the final time, all of their memories intact. Everyone had gone back to their old lives, reunited with their loved ones- Sun and Jin had an army of kids who always ran screaming to greet him on one of their rare visits, Jack and Kate had two children but he never saw them, he couldn't bear it. He could still see her huge blue eyes looking up at him, telling him that she loved him, she would forever, always.

Jack and Kate stood for everything that he and Juliet had wanted together- if Kate had only got those chains off of her it would have been better. Juliet would still be alive and they would be happy, in the time where they were supposed to be. He had gone to see her sister, he'd told her everything and she'd told him he never wanted to see him again. She wasn't as beautiful as Juliet had been.

A runner pushed past him, she was dressed all in pink, running shorts, top, hat. He laughed "Watch it Barbie" he growled irritably.

She turned her head quickly "Mind your manners grumpy" and she carried on running, turning up a road which he knew was famed for its huge houses with immaculate gardens and white picket fences. He stood still, shell-shocked, he knew that voice, knew that hair. He couldn't move and it was then he broke into a run. He pelted after her with everything he'd got.

"JULIET!"

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Just a bit further.

Pain did nothing for her now, she actually enjoyed it- it reminded her she was alive and you have to keep fit so running was the perfect answer.

She'd already experienced things no other person could even dream of, she'd died, she'd hit that hydrogen bomb with a rock after falling through a chasm into an electromagnetic pocket- some death, but of course, it wasn't. She's had no idea how it had happened, by hitting the bomb she had woken up on a sidewalk. She had learnt that the Oceanic Six had for the second time a year previously; there was no mention of the man she loved- her Sawyer.

Having to build your life from scratch was never easy but she'd done it, she'd gone back, opened up her old bank account with all the money she had got from working on the island, changed her name and got on with her life. She never went looking for Jack or Kate, she couldn't bear to look at the people she had shared everything with and now had everything she wanted.

She could see the turning to her road a few meters ahead and she picked up her pace. A man shoved past her, hunched low, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He gave a sinister little chuckle "Watch it Barbie" he grunted. Woah, he had issues and there was no way she liked that.

She turned her head briefly, only sparing the words "Mind your manners grumpy" before turning into her road and beginning her to edge up the speed before she reached home. She smiled to herself, she just had to put dinner on and the trash out before she could collapse in a heap.

"JULIET!"

Her head snapped round and she saw the man she had bumped into racing after her with the look of a mad man in his eyes. How did he know her name? She began to sprint toward her house, she could just see it but as she looked back she could see the man coming closer, his hands pumping backward and forward as he sped towards her.

Finally she reached her house, she leapt over the white picket fence with a single bound and reached into her pockets for her keys, bringing them out she tried to find the right one with shaking hands. As she got it and unlocked the door he leapt over the fence. She slipped inside and tried to push the door closed but he pushed against the door, preventing her from doing so. They were both panting from the sprint and were both pushing hard against the door. He had his head bowed and she groaned as she shoved her weight against the door. He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes.

Deep blue eyes, unshaven face, his dirty blonde hair fell to his shoulders just how she remembered it did. She stepped away from the door in shock, her head turning away, unable to believe who was in front of her. She had to be going mad; there was no way he was standing in front of her now. He stepped through the door but she stepped away, unable to meet his eyes. "Juliet, it's me"

She shook her head as a few tears escaped from under her closed lids- she couldn't believe this. It was all a cruel joke. But this time when he stepped closer she held her ground. "I can't..." she whispered "This isn't fair, I..."

"Julie it's me I swear" he whispered and placed his hand on her cheek, lifting her eyes to his. Her eyes swum with tears that began to fall freely down her cheeks. "Say my name" he murmured

"James Sawyer Ford" she whispered and she laughed through her tears as he pressed his lips against her and kissed her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, I'd love to see what else you would like (and as you'll see I think there will be at least a couple more chapters) they will become fewer and fewer as I'm supposed to be revising and then I'll be doing exams for two weeks so it will be pretty full on. **

**I'd love some more reviews though :) **

**I do not own any of these characters (apart from Fleur) trust me, you'd know otherwise as all of this would actually happen...or Juliet would never have gone near those chains. x**

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It was completely dark in the small house and there wasn't a sound apart from the whisper of the wind through the trees. They hadn't left each other's sight for a moment, they had to be holding one another, watching them at all times. Now, curled up beside each other they seemed totally at peace.

Juliet lay wide awake, unable to sleep but not wanting to leave the warm bed and the nest they had made together. Her blue eyes never left Sawyer's peaceful face and one by one her tears fell onto her pillow. Sawyer groaned in his sleep and murmured one word "Juliet" Warmth spread through her body, the amount of times she had heard him whisper 'Kate' whilst on the island ad caused her to feel dead at times. Sawyer's eyes flickered open and he gave a half smile. "You know it's rude to stare" he murmured softly and she smiled back at him. It was then he realised the small damp patch "Hey why the waterworks doll face" he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him and she snuffled into his chest, loving the sense of protection she felt.

"I'm scared to sleep" she whispered "I'm scared that if I close my eyes, you'll be gone"

He laughed softly "Well, I fell asleep and you're still here" he pulled away and placed his hand over her eyes. She squirmed and giggled; he slid quickly out of the bed and took his hand off her eyes. She blinked and sat up- she couldn't see him anywhere. Panicked she looked around "James?" her voice wavered "James!" He leapt back onto the bed with a roar and she gave a squeal, crying either with anger or laughter she wasn't sure which just yet. "THAT WAS NOT FUNNY!" she whacked him with a pillow and he tackled her, pushing her down onto the bed whilst she squealed. His lips pressed down hard against hers "You're still here" she murmured as his lips trailed down her neck, she closed her eyes "Still here".

Daylight shone through the shutters and Juliet blinked sleepily, lifting her head. Sawyer was no where to be seen but the tangled sheet showed that he had been there. It was so surreal, a dream, but he had proved it wasn't. She could hear him padding around downstairs, hear him humming as he had done every morning on the island. She closed her eyes, savouring the moment. "SON OF A..." she chuckled and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Pulling on a silk robe she glided downstairs to find James cradling his hand whilst her cocker spaniel sat by his feet, wagging its tail furiously. He turned to her "When in God's name did you get a dog?" she smiled at him and scooped the wagging dog from the floor.

"About a year ago" she put the bundle of fluff into the bed by the stove and took the eggs he's been cooking off of the heat. She then grabbed a cloth and wet it under the tap, moving over she wrapped his burnt hand in it, slowly, gently. When she was done she lifted it up and kissed the exposed part lightly. "I had to have some company" He smiled though it was tinged with sadness and went on preparing breakfast. She watched silently as he piled the eggs and bacon on her plate and set it down on the table. It was just so normal, slipping back into their old routine as if nothing had ever happened. He flicked on the radio on the counter, another old routine that she never had the heart to continue.

"And Oceanic Six survivors Doctor Jack and Kate Shepherd welcomed their third child into the world this morning. It is a girl named..."

Sawyer switched the radio off hastily, not looking at Juliet whose head was hung over her breakfast as she picked at it half-heartedly. He sat down at the kitchen table "Well that's good for the Doc and Freckles, I mean another..."

"James" her head lifted and he fell silent; she regarded him for a few moments with her piercing sapphire gaze, "is there someone else?"

He looked outraged "No way in hell I'd..."

"Why not?" her answer shocked him once more into silence "I mean, you thought I was dead."

"And why didn't you change that" his gaze darkened "You've obviously been here a while so are you going to tell me why the hell you didn't try and find me?"

"I wanted you to get on with your life" she cried "Like everyone else, it would be easier for you and you'd be safer"

"From who?" he was angry now, he got to his feet and started pacing "Ben? God dam it Juliet stop being such a bloody martyr. I loved you!"

"Loved?"

"Love! I still do! I didn't move on because every time I got the chance all I could see was you. You and your blonde hair"

She smiled weakly "My blonde hair?"

"Oh shut it"

She began to laugh "All this time and all you could think about was my hair? Go for Kate she's the brunette" the last few words were icy, bitter.

He began to walk toward her "I could never look at Kate"

"Because she's with Jack and he'd beat you to a pulp"

He grabbed her by the shoulders "Because if I could go back in time, to the hatch, it would be me hanging there and not you. Kate could have got those chains off you..."

"James"

"No, if she'd done that we wouldn't have to go through this"

She gently pulled away from him "If I hadn't fallen we would never be back here, we'd still be stuck on that island"

"But we'd be together"

"Who knows James? Anything could have happened"

She began to collect up the plates and walked over to the dishwasher. "I love you" the words hit her and she turned.

"I love you too, more than anything in the world"

The fight was over, all those feeling were free and the room seemed to become lighter. Though they had so much more to talk about it was all ok for now. The dog jumped from it's bed and padded once more to where the two lovers were standing, Sawyer scooped her up "So, what's Blondie Junior's name?" the dog licked his cheek and he grimaced.

"Fleur"

He began to laugh and wrapped his arms around her "You serious?" she nodded as he roared with laughter and Fleur squirmed in their arms. All was good and happy until three sharp raps at the door startled them.

"Open up!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews! However, more is well...better in this day and age and I would love some more feedback as to what you would like to see. I had some real problems with this chapter as to who would be behind the door but lots of ideas of what is going to happen in the future! **

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS (except Fleur) if I owned more you'd know, trust me. **

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Juliet's head snapped to the door, her body tense. Again there were the three raps but harder, with longer gaps in between...it was so much more threatening. 'I said open up!'

Sawyer put Fleur back to the ground "Do you know who it is?"

Juliet shook her had "No, I don't recognize the voice"

But Sawyer did, at the back of his brain it was there, resonating loud and clear and it sent a feeling of cold dread through his body. "Don't open the door" Juliet looked at him, confused "Please don't argue just go wait upstairs"

"But..."

"I mean it, get up there and stay there"

A look of calm passed over her face, the barriers going up "If this is something bad, something about you surely it would be better for me to open the door. It's not like anyone knows you're here" He couldn't disagree with that logic, he nodded and kissed her once, giving her a look that clearly read 'be careful' and moved quickly out of the room. Juliet moved to the door just as the knocking started again, she swung the door open to reveal a woman, blonde, with an angry look on her face. "May I help you?" her icy tone would normally send anyone running for the hills, her stature strong and confident she looked at this woman coolly.

"Where is he?"

"I'm sorry I don't know what you're..."

"Don't try and hide it I know he's here!"

The woman tried to barge past her but Juliet's arm came up quickly to block her "I think it's time for you to leave" she was being careful, one slip up and chaos could ensue, this woman meant business.

This time the woman pushed hard against Juliet, it was then she realised she was blocking with her bad arm and she hissed in pain, having to let her arm drop. The woman stormed into the house "Sawyer I know you're here! Come and face me like a man"

Juliet followed her, clutching her bad arm which was throbbing. "I really think it's time for you to leave"

"It's OK Julie" Both women's heads turned to see Sawyer walking down the stairs. If she hadn't been so confused, Juliet would have laughed at his grand entrance. He brushed carefully past her as she let her arm fall and was rewarded as she felt something cool on her fingertips. She clutched the cool gun lightly in her right hand placed carefully behind her back. "Hello Cassidy" Cassidy? The woman he had conned? She remembered her name in his file but saw no reason apart from the money she'd lost so long ago that would leave her so angry. She looked relatively well clothed, not in need of money, but there was something strange about her. As Cassidy regarded Sawyer with a furious gaze Juliet noted the size of her pupils and realized why this woman appeared to be so out of control.

"So" Cassidy sneered, "You're shacking up with another blonde? Shallow, Sawyer, so shallow. You wanting to con her too huh? Well I'm not going to let that happen you see."

She drew a gun out of her handbag and held it toward him. However, Sawyer's gaze was completely cool.

"You've ruined my life- you left me, you left your own bloody daughter" Juliet stiffened, watching the scene unfolding in front of her with fear and wonder. "So what am I supposed to do huh? Be grateful for what you give us and be done with it? Ignore Clementine's questions about her father?" What sort of a name was Clementine? Poor kid. "I'm done with it, I'm done with you" her grip tightened on the gun in her hands "I'm going to kill you, you and everything you love so I can see you suffer like I have"

To Juliet's surprise Sawyer did nothing but chuckle "Suffer oh that's a good one" he gave one of his charming smiles, he was brilliant under pressure. "I've given you over double the money I took...but then again, I didn't give it to you sweet-cheeks, it's all for Clementine and that really bugs you don't it?" His hands remained behind his back as he spoke "So who's going to give you any money if you kill me then hmm?" there was no fear in his voice, just an innocent question "Because I know you, you want me to give you all of my settlement from the accident and that's not going to happen- and when I'm gone you'll have no income and trust me, your dealer won't like that will he?" he scowled "You took all of her money from her account for yourself didn't you? I bet that makes you feel really good about yourself"

Juliet needed to step in, it was obvious Cassidy was reaching boiling point "Fine" she spat "I'll take out Blondie, then Clementine"

Sawyer immediately became angry "You wouldn't dare"

"Just watch me"

But as she spun on the spot, Juliet brought her gun up "I don't think so" Cassidy's finger tightened on the trigger but it loosened when she heard a clicking from behind her. Sawyer also held a gun to her and at this, Cassidy's gun arm lowered. It was then sirens were heard from outside and both Juliet and Sawyer's eyes met, fear and relief tying them together. Juliet watched as Sawyer leapt from the room and dashed outside.

He ignored the police and went to Cassidy's car, opening the door and pulling out a small girl who he clung to as if his life depended on it. The door to her home opened just as a loud bang filled Juliet's ears and a shooting pain shot through her leg. The sound of the cops racing in around her blurred as she clutched at her leg, feeling it go numb and blood soak her dressing gown. She sunk down and watched the world blur around her, she tried to keep her eyes open, her mind working but the darkness was unbelievably welcoming. She looked toward Cassidy who smiled demurely back at her "If I'm going down" she hissed at her "I'm taking you and Sawyer with me" and that was when the darkness enveloped her, and all was still.


	4. Chapter 4

**Again thank you so much for reviews! A big, big thank you for GencoOliveOil for asking the questions that needed to be answered to make this believable...well as belivable as Lost can be! Also to my regular reviewers AdulterousWhore and QueenOfHyperbole :) **

**This is a bit of a filler and showing how Sawyer got to where he is. **

**There won't be another chapter for a while as I have exam week which is going to be hell, I'll try and get another one up soon but it may be a while...**

**Thanks again and remember how much I love reviews!**

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The sirens deafened him as they sat in the ambulance, hurtling toward the hospital. Juliet lay on the bed next to him, her eyes flickering yet seeing nothing as the paramedics seemed to dance around her. Sawyer gripped her unresponsive hand tightly as small words punctured through his daze.

"Femoral Artery"

"Too much bleeding"

"Have to find the source"

All the time his eyes never left her face, they'd been through to much together for it to end like this.

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Kate dragged him away just as the structure disappeared down the chasm, he still feel her fingers around his wrist; hear her voice in his ears.

"James" Kate bent down beside him and put her hand on his shoulder. He looked at her, his eyes dark and emotionless; only she called him James, they'd never called each other anything else than their real names, she'd felt to need for any terms of endearment and he only teased her with 'blondie' or 'barbie' knowing she was irritated by blondes being considered stupid. To Kate he was Sawyer, always had been.

"Sawyer" he snarled back at her "My name is Sawyer, not James" Kate withdrew her hand like she had been burnt and Jack pulled her to his feet and coughed uneasily.

"Sawyer we need to get moving"

But James only looked at his hands, "Juliet" he whispered.

"_Come on! Come on!"_

He head snapped upwards "Juliet?" his voice was raised and he started toward the hole in the ground.

"Sawyer" Jack yelled after him, when James didn't respond he ran after him and grabbed him by the arm "James she's gone"

Sawyer turned slowly on the spot and lifted his eyes to glare at him and in one swift movement punched him hard across the face. Jack dropped to the floor with a groan of pain; Sawyer towered above him for a moment ready to strike again... but then came the flash of blinding white light.

It seemed to compress him, pushing from every side. He yelled out in pain and fought against it, he found it was getting harder and harder to breath. Then, as soon as it had started, it was over. They fell to the ground, panting. Looking frantically from right to left he saw Kate curled a few meters away from him, Jack sprawled on the floor, Hurley rubbing his head, Jin swearing in Korean and Sayid groaning in pain, Miles was barely moving- only the rise and fall of his chest showed he was still alive. Sawyer straitened, lifting a hand to his face, all the blood was gone, and his scratches, bruises, disappeared- he had lost all of his injuries. He raised his head to look around once more and it was then he caught sight of two others, Locke and Sun. He leapt to his feet "Sun, John!"

Both raised their head wearily and their eyes widened at the sight of them. It was Locke who spoke first "Where...where are we?"

Suddenly a torrent of meaningless words hit Sawyer from behind and Jin raced to his wife's side, embracing her and kissing her- sending a numb feeling through James and he turned away, unable to watch. He spotted a man standing in the corner, he stepped out and the light flooded him.

Jacob

Jacob watched them all with a smug expression, overly confidant, it made James want to kill him on the spot- he thought he had resolved everything, but Juliet was still stuck down there, and he wouldn't even be able to bury her properly. "The Island is finished with you" his dark voice caused everyone to turn and look "We will return you to your old lives, you should know you cannot change time" James watched as Jack looked away, so, both he and Kate where the reason he would now be alone, Juliet had died needlessly.

"You will be placed on a raft out at sea; you should be rescued soon afterwards. Tell them your plane crashed, you may say the truth about the island, it will never be found. I have eliminated all criminal charges against you; you will of course have plenty of publicity...deal with it as you wish.'

James was just about to speak when Locke spoke '"What about the other survivors, from the other crash?"

Jacob sneered "The Island will do with them as it wishes, this is the reason you can go free and if I were you John, I would go with it and not try to return here"

James then began to feel the compressions begin again "Wait!" he started to yell "What about..." but Jacob has disappeared and the world spun around him before fading to black.

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They all sat on the plane on the way back to New York. Sun and Jin sat close together, her head resting on his shoulder; Jack and Kate sat side by side, their hands clasped together- James eyes them all with a jealous hatred he couldn't contain. Hurley gently patted him on the shoulder and he turned to eye him carefully "I sorry Dude" Hurley's words were gentle "About Juliet, I know you loved her" James nodded stiffly; he hadn't spoken a word since they had been rescued.

A woman walked in to join them and gave them a fake smile "Well, we'll be arriving soon. There are a lot of press, feel free to speak to them- the Oceanic Six especially will be in high demand but the rest of you" she regarded the other four carefully "You're going to have even more questions to answer about why you didn't return with the others" James snorted, they hadn't been able to help that had they?

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"We've provided you with a settlement" his lawyer murmured to him "You'll never have to work again I'm pleased to say. We wish you all the best Mr Ford"

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James paced up and down the waiting room for the hospital, desperate for news. They had wheeled her in for surgery an hour ago and still there had been no news. He sat down, putting his head in his hands, he'd left Clementine with her grandmother, on Cassidy's side- now that her mother faced jail they needed to sort something out for her and he needed time to think. He lifted his eyes to the clock, he wasn't sure if he could take this anymore.

"Sawyer?" he turned to see Jack Shepherd walking down the corridor, his face a mask of confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too Doc" Saywer shook his hand firmly; glad to have something to take his mind off of Juliet for a few moments. "How's Kate? Hear you're a daddy"

This was the nicest Jack had heard James since they had parted a year ago. "She's good" he beamed "The baby's beautiful...we, we named her Claire. Are you here to see her?"

"I wish" despair crept in James' voice and Jack frowned

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Do you work here?"

"As a matter of fact I do"

"Well, go and tell those surgeons to hurry up"

Jack noticed the terror in his voice and nodded "I will, take this to Kate- her room's just down the hall" Sawyer took the magazines and began to walk away but Jack's voice stopped him "James?" James turned "Who should I ask for"

James gave a half smile "Ask for Juliet Burke" Then he turned and continued walking, ignoring Jack who stood completely still then turned and ran toward the operating rooms. James continued to walk down the corridor, stopping at the door covered with pink. This had to be Kate's room, as he pushed the door open he was confronted with the sight of Kate lying calmly in her bed, a small baby girl sleeping soundly in her arms. "She's beautiful" he said gruffly and Kate turned, her eyes widening in surprise. He hadn't said a word to her since Juliet's death.

"Sawyer, what are you doing here?"

"You can call me James if you really want to" guilt at the way he had spoken to her surfaced and he smiled at her. She looked tired, yet her green eyes sparkled with happiness at the sleeping child with thick brown hair. He knew they still visited Aaron at least once a week so in reality it was like her fourth child, she had another girl and a boy who he had never met. Kate smiled appreciatively at his sincerity "I was here anyway and I bumped into Jack, he said to give you this"

She laughed ad he handed her the magazines "He hates me reading this trash but he still buys it for me" she put the magazines on the table next to her and gestured to the chair, "Take a seat, please. I've missed you"

"Now I don't believe that Freckles" James smiled weakly but he still sat down, in the back of his mind the worry for Juliet was becoming more and more apparent, why hadn't Jack come back?

"Do you name all your kids after the dead?" the sarcasm was evident in his tone, he hated the very idea of it.

"No" Kate rolled her eyes "Jack got his way with Claire but apart from that the kids have completely normal names. Charlotte, she's the eldest and Alexander"

James snorted "Please tell me you shorten those"

"Oh God yes!" she giggled "Their just Lottie and Alex to us"

James put his hand on hers "I'm happy for you Kate, I really am"

She smiled at him, looking him in the eye "I'm sorry James" she paused "I'm sorry I couldn't..."

"It's alright" he said gently "I knew there was nothing you could do anyway. I just..." he hand dropped from hers and she looked stricken. The moment was broken as Jack sprinted into the room, James' head snapped round "Well?" panic evident he stood up. Jack looked up at him and nodded; James barged past him and sprinted from the room. He didn't stop running until he reached her room.

She was lying on the hospital bed, her skin white against the dark blue sheets. She was still fast asleep as he pushed the door open but as he got closer her eyelids flickered. "James?" her voice was hoarse and she reached out a hand for him which he took tightly.

"You have got to stop scaring me like that" his voice was choked and she laughed weakly. He bent down to kiss her "I love you" he murmured "So much"

"I love you too" she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

**First off I'd like to appologize to all of you for having to wait so long for another chapter; I'll spare you the tales of GCSE work and producing plays and such but just to tell you I've been really busy.**

**But now Lost has started again I realized how much I loved Suliet and I knew I had to add another chapter. I can't believe what happened at the begining of the season (I won't say incase any of you haven't got the chance to watch it) but needless to say I am NOT happy about it. **

**So I'm giving the Suliet part of me a chance to shine again. Thanks to all who have waited so long.**

**Again, I don't own any of the characters apart from the ones I make up obviously... if I owned the original Lost characters the series would be very different let me tell you!**

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It had been a week in this place, a week of check-ups, antibiotics and broken stitches. James knew how much Juliet wanted to get out of here but she never complained. He tried to sleep at the hospital but there was a lot of stuff he needed to do; he slept at her house. Juliet never seemed to sleep- she said it was the hospital sheets but when he brought hers it didn't make a difference. She had dark rings under her eyes but the less she slept, the more the doctors wanted to monitor her.

He had finally gotten her to sleep; it had taken hours of sitting by her side, murmuring to her and stroking her hair until he felt her relax and she went to sleep. James had felt equally relaxed until a quick phone call had changed his mood rapidly. He now paced by the bed, running a hand through his hair.

"James"

He turned, Juliet hadn't stirred at all, her eyes were still closed and her breathing regular. As he watched she gave a small half-smile and opened one eye "you're going to wear a hole in the floor". He chuckled and sat down on the chair by her bed; slowly she lofted her hand and placed it on his cheek "What is it?" he lowered his gaze "Clementine?"

He nodded "I don't know what I'm going to do with her; she doesn't even know me but..."

"You're the closest thing to family she's got"

He nodded; recently they had been able to finish each other's sentences. It may have been corny and before he had thought it was plain unrealistic but the truth as they understood each other so absolutely that it was just easy. She turned in the bed to look him in the eyes and put a hand on his cheek. He tilted his head into her open palm and murmured "Every time I see her I can't help but think what her mother must've told her about me...she must hate me".

Juliet was silent for a moment; she dropped her hand from his cheek and sat up, pulling her body upright. "Let me go and see her"

Sawyer frowned "Jules I don't think..."

"Oh for God's sake James I'm not an invalid" she snapped and he started. She frowned at him "I can leave now, that's what I've wanted to tell you before you started insisting I slept here. The doctor gave me the all clear this morning...I can go home" as she reached the final few words her frown lessened and a huge smile spread over her face. James gathered her in his arms and pulled her close, she rested her head in the crook of his neck "Let me try James".

Juliet stood in the kitchen of Clementine's Grandmother. Her leg ached slightly, though she would never admit it as she watched the small girl in the next room reading. She was like any normal child; you could never know that her mother had been imprisoned a week ago. Juliet took a few steps toward Clementine and sat down beside her on the sofa, glad to rest her leg for a bit. "Hi Clementine"

Clementine looked up and regarded her with deep blue eyes, Sawyer's eyes. "Who are you?" her tone wasn't accusing, just curious, which surprised her. She'd been expecting a girl who had retreated into herself but again she was like her father, bold and a little brash.

"My name's Juliet" she kept her tone neutral, wondering if Cassidy had ever mentioned her of James to Clementine and what she was going to have to deal with.

"You a social worker?" came the blunt reply.

Juliet laughed "No! Of course not" she took a deep breath, "I'm a close friend of your father's"

It was like she had said the magic word, Clementine spun round to face her, her eyes aglow with curiosity "My Daddy?" she said excitedly "Is he here?"

"Not at the moment" she was pleased with the girl's reaction

"Then why are you here?"

She was so quick off the mark you had to give her that. Juliet smiled "Well, we were wondering what was going to happen to you now" Clementine nodded vigorously "And we were wondering if you'd like to come and live with your father and I for a bit"

Clementine's eyes widened "You'd be my new mother?" her voice quavered

Juliet placed her hand on the little girl's shoulder as she watched her lower lip quiver "Not if you don't want me to be. I'd be..." she paused for a minute "like your big sister maybe, your friend who you can talk to."

Clementine lowered her head and Juliet waited for a moment, worried she'd said the wrong thing. Her heart constricted as, when the girl met her eyes, she saw they were sparkling with tears "My mommy's not coming back is she?" Juliet shook her head and the girl sniffed, trying to hold back tears and failing "Well, I wouldn't mind a...a friend. Would you be nice to me? Daddy won't get angry will he? He does like me right?"

There was such hesitation as she spoke; each word held fear and uncertainty, it was impossible to know what Clementine's mind had been filled with. "Of course not sweetheart" her voice was low "your Daddy loves you so much, he's really worried about you"

"Well why didn't he come sooner then?"

"Because" Juliet took a deep breath "Your Daddy is terrified that you won't like him"

"Why wouldn't I like him? He's my Daddy"'

"Well why wouldn't your Daddy like you? You're his daughter"

Without a word, Clementine climbed onto Juliet's lap, wrapped her arms around her and began to cry. She sat there for a moment, unsure what to do but then her maternal instinct took over; she began to murmur comforting words in the girl's ear and rock her back and forth. After a little while the girl sat up and regarded Juliet with her severe, watery blue gaze "I think...I would like to come and live with you" she said, she climbed off Juliet's lap as if the previous ten minutes hadn't happened and picked up her book. "When would I come?"

Juliet, slightly bewildered, smiled "Well as soon as possible really, I'll go home and talk to your Daddy and we'll pick a date. We'll have to get your room ready"

"Will it be pink?" the severity of her tone made Juliet chuckle

"Would you like it to be?"

"It has to be pink"

"You know Clementine" Juliet said, matching her tone, "I think we're going to get on very well".

James was still pacing, he hadn't stopped since Juliet had told him she was on her way home. He'd wanted to go and pick her up but she flat out refused. "Stubborn...doesn't know what's best" he murmured under his breath- furious that he's been told she was coming home alone. What if something happened to her? He'd never forgive himself. His worry increased, she was taking longer than she should have done. His head snapped around as he heard the turning of keys in the lock and Juliet walked in, smiling.

"I've been watching you pacing up and down for the last ten minutes" she walked toward him and poked him lightly in the chest "You...are paranoid". She titled her head up and lightly kissed him on the lips with a small smile, then turned and headed toward the kitchen. Squirming impatiently, Sawyer followed her.

"So....what did she say?"

"What did who say?" she said demurely, her head stuck in the fridge as she searched for food. Fleur, who was curled in her basket, grumbled as her peace was disturbed and sat up. Her deep brown eyes watched as she saw her master and mistress talking, her mistress' was flirtatious and teasing whilst her master's was worried, although she could see he was slightly enjoying it.

"Seriously Juliet" he whined

She turned and smiled "There's one condition"

"What? What condition? You or Cementine?" his face was contorted into a worried frown and his blue eyes were so endearing she couldn't resist.

"Her room has to be pink, or she's not coming" He laughed, all tension leaving him and he scooped her up in his arms, whirling her around the room whilst she squealed and held onto the lettuce she was clutching in her hands. Eventually he put her down and she staggered slightly dizzy. "James", it was her turn to whine.

"What?"

"I'm too dizzy to make dinner, you have to do it"

He chuckled and kissed her, "We'll do it together"

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**Yes I know that chapter was pure fluff but I need it, it's very good for the soul....**

**Reviews are like food to a labrador :D **


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes I know it's only been a few hours since I uploaded the last one but I know you're not going to like me so much at the ned of this one so best to get it over with. **

**There's been way to much fluff in this so far so I went for a little bit of angst, not too much as I love this couple so much. What's going on? You decide. You'll only find out when I get a few more reviews (and I know it's only been a few hours but I'm impatient)**

**Again I don't own any of these characters except the ones I create....**

**Enjoy (or not teehee)**

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They were shopping. In three days Clementine would be arriving at their home, to live, for good. It scared Sawyer beyond belief but when he woke up in the night in a cold sweat Juliet would be there, holding his hand and would sweetly tell him to "shut up, stop moving around and go to sleep" she had his back. He could secretly tell she was just as excited as he was, and as scared. But as usual she was being Juliet, keeping her emotions carefully in check. So now they were shopping for last minute supplies to go in Clementine's perfect new room- she had been over multiple times to see it being made but Sawyer was never around very much. Juliet did the talking and the two girls got along well. "So" her voice jogged him from his daydream "we need some of those white flowery curtains and then we're done. Will you go get them? I just need to double check the list" she pulled the list out of the back pocket of her jeans as Sawyer wandered off.

There were several flowery curtains, only God knew which the right ones were. He tried to picture the room in his mind, pastel pink (weird colour) so that would mean the curtains wouldn't be the hot pink ones. He sighed and turned to call Juliet for guidance, but she was gone.

A wave of pure, cold fear swept over him, he didn't call out. He just moved quickly over to where they had been standing together only a few seconds before. No, she definitely wasn't there. Then he saw a flash of blonde hair and she straightened quickly as he saw her running down one of the aisles. Confused, he walked after her, trying not to draw attention to himself. She stopped a little way in front of him and he caught her up, grabbing her shoulders and she flinched.

"What the hell are you playing at?" his voice was hard from the severe fright he'd been repressing, he shook her "don't you ever do that you hear?"

"Let me go Sawyer" her voice was equally as cold and he let go quickly "Go back, get the stuff, we're leaving"

"But..."

"We're leaving James" she walked briskly past him, her cool exterior radiating out. However he could still see an edge of tension about her, the way she glanced quickly to her left and right as if trying to avoid someone. He had her back, he would tell her everything, but there was something she was hiding from him. He ran to get their things, grabbed some white curtains with light pink flowers, who knew if they were right, and met her at the checkout. They stood side by side but they were not together, she was rigid and angry, but he had no idea why.

The car ride was also silent; they could cut the atmosphere with a knife. "Juliet"

"Leave it James" came the tart reply; Sawyer put his foot down on the accelerator. What the hell had he done wrong?

"Just to you know" he said calmly "I have your back" he pulled up in their driveway and got out the car.

Juliet put her head back in her seat and closed her eyes, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her "I know" she whispered. Before blinking hard and climbing out after him.

Oh she felt truly awful, mentally and physically. She was tormenting Sawyer, she could see it in his eyes, but she didn't want to talk to him just yet, she needed some time to her own thoughts. Last night he'd been more stressed than usual, she knew that was probably due to her actions in the shopping centre that day but she didn't say anything. In the end she had gotten up and gone into the guest room. Everything had happened so fast, Sawyer had immediately moved back in when they found each other. Was it the right thing? She shook herself, angry, who got this kind of a chance again? Who died and got to come back and live with the one they loved. Her hand rested lightly on her stomach, well, some of us came back. She felt a huge sense of loss overwhelm her and she covered her mouth to stop a sob from escaping. She wanted a normal life, and she would never get one. Not after what she had experienced.

Sawyer sat up, the room was dark and he felt immediately that something was missing. The comforting warmth, the solid sense of security that he felt when Juliet lay beside him was gone. She wasn't in bed with him and from the coldness of the sheets she hadn't been in a while. He moved to get up off the bed to go and find her but he sat back down, he didn't want to keep being pushed out. She'd come to him when she was ready but he wished that she didn't need that time, that she could trust him enough to tell him every thought in her head...she seemed to know all of his. He just didn't know what had changed her so suddenly, they'd been laughing in the car. Well, she'd been laughing at his attempt at singing along to the radio, he'd been mock sulking. When they'd reached the car park she'd wound her arms around him and kissed him, telling him she loved him and she couldn't wait for them all to be a family, a family...no that couldn't be right. A sense of pure dread enveloped him- if he was right he was in trouble.

Morning came and Juliet was up first, ravenous. She walked quietly downstairs, made herself some coffee, grabbed a banana and went to sit in the back garden. Fleur collapsed at her feet with an uneasy sigh and Juliet smiled, sticking her toes into the dog's warm fur. She heard Sawyer stir upstairs and the shower start. She had a few more minutes of peace before he came downstairs and, she knew, yesterday's tensions would start again. She was too stubborn to act like nothing had happened and he was obviously hurt that she was keeping something from him.

She crept upstairs and grabbed some tracksuit bottoms and a top and headed downstairs. She tiptoed out of the house and climbed into the car, she needed to do something. She drove away.

Sawyer climbed out of the shower and grabbed a towel. All was still. He walked carefully into the hallway and stuck his head into the guest room and was greeted with an empty bed. He looked out the window to see Juliet driving away in the car; she looked up for a moment and caught his eye before he turned away, furious.

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**Remeber, you know how to get more :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to those who reviewed but please don't stop! I'm getting slightly disheartened by the lack of reviews compared to the amount I had when I first started this off. I love it when you give me a way that I can improve or when you point things out that don't make sense or have failed to have been cleared up. It gives me something else to think about when I write.**

**Anyway, I'm still not letting on what's got into Juliet- I thought I'd leave you hanging until enough people express an interest (I'm being mean). I'd love to hear what you guys think is bothering her...**

**I also never really covered how they got together so I'm doing a couple of time jumps, hope you enjoy! It's to make up for the present angst in the real time of the story. **

**Again I don't own any of the characters.**

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She had been gone for two hours but this time, he wasn't pacing. He was silently fuming but still went about the normal morning routine. He fed Fleur, took her for a quick walk around the block, smiled at the neighbours and waved and now he was making breakfast. He had the twisting feeling of panic at the bottom of his stomach, the feeling that something was terribly wrong and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. He stirred the eggs vigorously and some flew out of the pan and onto the floor, Fleur snuffled at his feet. This stress wasn't doing him any good- he was on edge and paranoid. Cassidy had been the trigger, now he felt nervous when Juliet was out for a prolonged amount of time. She was still awaiting trial at the moment, fighting to see Clementine but Sawyer refused. He kept the resolution that she hadn't cared when she was high and stealing her daughter's money, the only reason she wanted her was to quell her guilt...and Sawyer wasn't going to help her. He enjoyed watching her suffer after what he'd done to Juliet and Clementine, his family. That was why he wanted her out of her Grandmother's house as soon as possible; he knew that the woman wasn't capable of handling his spitfire of a daughter forever. He wanted her with him, where he could see her and keep her safe.

He tried to force is shoulders down, to relax himself. He needed to rectify his state of mind as the one he was in wouldn't help anyone right now- especially himself. He had learnt early on in their relationship that if he went in, all guns blazing he wouldn't get anywhere, her walls would go straight up and she'd just ignore him.

Juliet smiled as she pushed her way into the house, rubbing her hands on her blue Dharma overalls. She'd had a perfect day, she'd fixed three of the jeeps that were going crazy and she'd stopped for lunch with Sawyer in her break. She'd also managed to have a civil conversation with one of her co-workers, Harry, the one who constantly asked her out until she shot him down for the third time. Then he'd gotten bitter...until now.

Jin, Miles and Sawyer were nowhere to be seen so she quickly pulled off her overall, feeling a lot cooler in her shorts and vest top. She chucked the overall aside and made for the bathroom.

"Well, that's a bit more of you than I normally see Blondie" she turned quickly to see Sawyer leaning in the corner of the room.

"Do you like to stalk everyone or is it just me?" her comeback was quick, she was used to this game.

"Who were you talking to today?"

"Jealous?" she grinned, enjoying herself

"Did he ask you out again?"

"What does it matter to you?" she was slightly alarmed by the menace tinged in his voice

"I wanted to know if he got the message"

"Sawyer, James, what are you talking about? I need to get ready for the party tonight"

He grabbed her arm "Did he ask you out again?"

Alarmed she pulled away, "What does it matter to you?" her voice was cool and calm as she wrenched her arm free but he took her shoulders this time, pushing her up against the wall, their faces were inches apart and he felt her breathing quicken "Let me go Sawyer" she said quietly, but this time her voice was less collected. _God he's beautiful_ . She slowly watched his expression change from anger to something very different. She hadn't realised how close their bodies were and she had to stop herself from melting at his touch.

"Woah" Miles' voice made Sawyer turn on the spot, Jin stood beside him. "Mum and Dad are fighting" he continued and Jin chuckled.

As if broken from a trance she pushed him away and stalked into the bathroom, slamming the door.

"What did I say?"

"Shut it" Sawyer's voice was dark; he stormed into his room and slammed the door; leaving the two men looking at each other in confusion.

Juliet turned the car back on and pulled away, not looking back. Her eyes, though slightly pink, had taken on their hard, terrifying look. She knew what awaited her back at the house and she had accepted it, Sawyer would be furious, she would be overreacting, he would laugh, she would get angry and the whole process would repeat until they settled into a happy medium when he would laugh and she would have to laugh with him. Her hands tightened on the steering wheel, fighting had been something they were quite good at, they teased lightly and when they fought they were fiery and would say things she would never have dreamt of her parents saying. Maybe it was a blessing they didn't have kids. But that was going to change, Clementine would arrive tomorrow and she'd technically be a mother to a girl, she'd missed the baby stage, nearly the child stage and was just there for the teenager part. Fantastic.

The radio was broken so she had nothing to distract her from her thoughts, she tried a technique Sawyer had shown her once: a deep breath, push you shoulders down and exhale; it normally calmed her. She would always have to try when they fought and if he spotted her, the fight would immediately be over, he would smile and gather her in his arms with a smile, they'd be back to the loved up couple they had been before. It wasn't realistic that they were always like that; no couple was happy all of the time. But unlike other couples they both had severe mood swings that could change the atmosphere around them in a moment- she'd known that the constant flow of 'I love you' between the two of them would have to have stopped at some point.

Sawyer was standing by the drinks table, he'd left the house without Juliet- not always a wise move, but after their argument earlier he'd felt they'd both needed some time by themselves. But he was still stressed, he knew he'd upset her, embarrassed her, and he hated that. He took another gulp of beer and cast another look around for her but he still couldn't see her. He hadn't gone for anything over the top for this so called party, just some loose jeans and a white shirt. He didn't really have to try, that's what irritated the other men around him- but he loved it, he loved to irritate the seemingly brainless people that lived here. That's when he saw her.

He knew she didn't have a large selection for parties and normally showed up in jeans and a nice top- if they decided to show up at all. She was alone which, after the wash of relief, made him feel guilty- he'd been jealous, and apart from hating the fact that he was, he'd made it clear to Juliet which wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want her to feel any sympathy for him.

She was wearing a black dress, cut just below the knee and fitted around the waist. She was only wearing a small amount of makeup, and she'd left her hair wavy but it had the just-cleaned look, he bet it smelt amazing. He turned away, not allowing himself to be drawn in but desperately wanting to drag her away, back to their house- or to replay their fight earlier and to have locked the door so Jin and Miles couldn't have gotten in. A few moments later he felt a small tap on his shoulder and he turned around. Juliet.

It must have taken a lot of will power for her to come up here, they both knew that she had done nothing wrong and had no reason to come and find him but she still had. She gave him a small smile, "I'm lonely, will you dance with me" she offered him her hand and after a moment's hesitation, he took it. Together they walked onto the dance floor.

"Smartened yourself up Blondie"

She grinned "You jealous again?" she teased

"What jealous, me? Never Barbie"

She chuckled "Well you could've fooled me cowboy"

"Cowboy?"

"Oh so you're the only one who can use derogatory nicknames"

"All's fair in love and war" he twirled her and she stopped, looking into his eyes.

"So what's this then?" he stopped and gulped, unable to reply _Damn it, think of something to say!_ "I guess I overreacted earlier" she apologized, backtracking quickly; her cheeks tinged slightly pink. Again came the wash of guilt over embarrassing her _Grow a pair man!_ "I mean, I get so stressed and I don't even know why. Maybe I'm just so used to it, the fear...constantly being on edge"

He smiled "take a deep breath" he watched as she did, fighting the urge to kiss her in front of everyone "Now push your shoulders down and breath out slowly" he smiled as he watched all of the tension leave her body. They were silent for a moment before she began talking again.

"But" she hesitated "What I don't get is why you were so jealous, it's not like we're..." she trailed off, embarrassed "You have my back" she said finally.

"No" he stopped her "Look Juliet I know I'm a total jackass but..." _I really care about you, I never want to let you go._

"No" it was her chance to stop him and she saw the look of hope die in his eyes. She gave a small smile "You're not a jackass". Suddenly the mood was broken by a sudden change to an up tempo song. He watched as the walls came back up in a split second, she turned "I'm going home" _I can't believe I let you in._

"You've only just got here! Juliet...."

"No Sawyer, let me go" She walked quickly away and after a split second, he followed her. He knew that she had realised he was right behind her but neither of them spoke, neither of them changed their pace.

But when she reached the front door she stopped and turned. Without giving her a chance to speak his lips crashed down on hers. He pushed her up against the door, moving her hands up so that she couldn't protest. She melted into him in a second and he slowly released her wrists, immediately she was clutching at him, fulfilling the need she had had for so long. His hands were all over her and his lips trailing down her neck and she gave a murmur of pleasure. She buried her head in the crook of his neck, her hands travelling up his shirt and she ran her hands over the muscles of his chest. They were lost in the moment, it had been months that they had been fighting this, months that had been leading them to this moment. She was only just managing to draw enough breath to keep her upright and her head was light from it- neither of them was willing for this to end anytime soon and were both battling with their need for air. He wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her up to him and she obliged, wrapping herself around him. He was her rock, the one who would keep her safe, she clutched at him, desperate. He shoved open the door and they fell inside, lost in each other.

Juliet pulled up outside the house and opened the door. She took a deep breath and stepped inside. Sawyer was sitting in the kitchen, his breakfast in front of him, Fleur at his feet; when she heard her mistress come in, Fleur raced to her, barking madly and her tail whirling. James got up and moved to the stove, Juliet watched as he brought her breakfast to the table "We're going to talk" he said softly.

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**Dundundun...not really that much of a cliff hanger but still...**

**Do I really need to say it? Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Flashback:**_

_They lay intertwined with each other, fast asleep. His arm was loosely draped around her whilst she was curled up beside him. The bed clothes were twisted around them but just covered their bodies. The first rays of sunlight were coming through the blinds of his room and he could hear people beginning to get up and go about their daily business, the children were out in the gardens squealing with delight and the adults were going to work. They both had the day off today. The night had been a mixture of heat and passion, now they were both exhausted. Sawyer had had too much to drink the night before and his head was fuzzy when he finally opened his eyes. His first feeling was that of heavy contentment, he didn't need to move and was truly comfortable and happy. Then he realised there was a body curled up beside him and his eyes widened, he slowly turned his head to see long blonde hair on the pillow beside him. Shit. He could barely remember anything._

_He quickly climbed out of bed and grabbed the discarded shirt from last night, buttoning it up quickly "I'm so sorry" he murmured under his breath "I'm so sorry Juliet, I never..."_

_She turned over, smiling; but the smile faded when she noticed that he was gone. "James?" she sat up, holding the sheet up to cover herself, her blue eyes were wide and hurt as she saw him trying to make an escape "You're going?"_

_"I'm..." he looked terrified, uncomfortable "I'm sorry Juliet" he had never wanted it to happen like this, he'd wanted it to have been romantic and something he could cherish and remember forever, not a heated moment. He looked down, unable to meet her eyes._

_"Am I so awful, that you're disgusted to even look at me" he would have expected her to be cold with him, angry even. But there was only hurt in her voice and you could hear her throat constricting as she talked- trying not to cry- Juliet never cried. He then understood, she'd let him in completely and he'd pushed her away- he'd done what she had always feared he would do. He looked back at her and found that her blue eyes were, actually filled with tears; she'd pulled the sheet higher up to cover herself further. She met his gaze and his heart broke to see her so vulnerable, so utterly betrayed. He stopped buttoning his shirt and sat back down onto the bed. "No, I don't want your pity" she turned away from him and he saw her hand wipe away the tears that were beginning to fall. It was then he noticed the scar on her back, still looking sore even though it had been a long time since the wound had been inflicted. He felt a surge of anger that anyone could even consider hurting her, it was then that he made his decision._

_"Juliet" he began slowly "I could never find you disgusting. You're beautiful" he heard a little sob hitch in her chest "Juliet" he started again "You're so beautiful; I wanted to do this right. I wanted it to be romantic; I wanted to give you what you really deserved." He reached out and put his hand on her arm, she didn't pull away "I don't want to mess this up"_

_She turned "You didn't" her voice wavered, "But now I wonder if you actually want me or if I was just a replacement in the heat of the moment" he took her hand and pushed it down, releasing the sheet "James, please. I don't want to be used again- it hurts too much. I can't be second best to Kate again"_

_"You're all I want" he said slowly and held her hand tightly in his "I won't let anyone hurt you, I won't...I would never...I'd...' he continued to stumble over his words and then he fell silent. Juliet sat there for a moment, not moving "Juliet?" there was no response "Say something please? I'm sorry I'm an ass and I know that I'm not good enough for you but..."_

_She smiled and placed a finger on his lips. A wave of relief washed over him, she put her free hand on his cheek "show me" she said quietly "show me how you would do it, if you had another chance"_

_He smiled and leant toward her "Well" he murmured softly "First, I would do this" and he kissed her._

_**End Flashback**_

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Juliet sighed and moved out of the hall into the kitchen. He had the serious 'don't mess' expression on his face and she realized how much she must be frightening him. She went to sit down at the kitchen table, dropping her hand bag on the floor. She was messing with him and it wasn't their light hearted teasing that it normally was- she was hurting him. She sighed and pushed the eggs round her plate, Fleur lying on her feet. Sawyer sat opposite her, ignoring his own breakfast and just looked at her, leaning back in his chair, his arms folded. "I'm sorry" she said finally

"Yeah, you should be" his voice was hard and she realised what he was doing, like her he had boundaries, walls. He was internally preparing himself for something and she didn't know what he was expecting. "What's going on?"

"It's complicated" she murmured, taking a bite of her breakfast, she was ravenous. She watched him frown and knew she had said the wrong thing, she still was hiding things from him, and they hadn't done that in years. Well, to his knowledge anyway. "Are you pregnant?" The question shocked her so much so laughed. But along with that she felt the same ache in her stomach, the same twinge of grief. She was laughing, but tears were pouring down her cheeks. Sawyer watched her, his angry expression turning into compassion; he took her hand like he always did when he knew she felt upset or vulnerable. "Why didn't you tell me?" he said softly "A baby isn't a bad thing"

She pulled her hand away "I'm not pregnant" she blinked back the tears and took a deep breath, calming herself.

"Well what's so damn funny Juliet" he stood up, angry "What's going on that you can't tell me? What happened in that goddamn store!" he was storming round the kitchen and she flinched.

"You're going to think it's stupid"

"I bet I am, you've been terrifying me Juliet" she put her head in her hands "Did you see someone from the island?" he fired at her "Did you see someone from before the island?"

"Yes" she barely moved

"Then what is the big deal?" he stopped by the door

"The big deal" she stood up, also angry now "is that I want a normal life! I want to go back, I want to go back before I went to that island, to when life was normal and I could go to my sisters and look after her. To be a normal person- I could have gone on and had kids"

"With your husband, before I was around" he said coldly "So I'm the problem"

"No!" she threw her hands in the air her voice raised in frustration "I want to live off money I made, not money that you got from a plane crash or I got from being a hostage at that awful place. I want to have kids, not lose them because I fall down a mine shaft" she laughed "Do you have any idea how crazy how this sounds! I fell down a mine shaft; I died in your arms! You were in a place crash, we jumped through time James. Why can't I be normal? Why can't we be a normal couple? Why can't I be like my sister?" She slid down the wall, her arms wrapped round her knees. She looked up at him, awaiting his reaction.

'I want to have kids, not lose them because I fall down a mine shaft' she had been pregnant; his kid had died along with her when she fell. His fists clenched for a moment as he tried to process all of this new information. He sat down beside her as she put her head back against the white wall. They sat there for a moment as he watched her cry. Part of him was furious with her, for terrifying him, for keeping this information to herself and for blaming him for things he couldn't change. But the rest of his felt a huge amount of pity for her, he had had people who cared about him when he had gotten off the island, he had pushed them away by choice; she had always had no one- from the moment the island had come into her life she had lost everything, starting with her ex-husband and sister, all the way down to their child and him. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him and he felt all the tension leave her body as she finally broke. She buried her head in his chest and her delicate frame shook with sobs, he could hear her apologizing, telling him that she didn't deserve him. He rubbed small circles around her back "The reason" he said finally "that we both can't have normal lives, is because of the island, because of what happened to us" he sighed "We can't change what happened Jules, the past is the past- we know that better than anyone" he felt her nod. "But Jules?" she lifted her head and regarded him with red, bloodshot eyes "We can still find your sister"

"I already found her" she said hoarsely "She lives about 20 minutes away from here. It's the..."

"little house with the blue door" he finished, she looked at him in utter confusion "I went to find her" he said quietly, "When I got back here, to tell her that you'd" he paused "died". She nodded, understanding him, she would've done the same if she were in his position "She threw me out the house" he said finally "She wouldn't believe me" he stood up and pulled her to her feet "But now she'll have to" he was convinced and he gave her a brief kiss "we'll go find her, we'll get some of your old life back"

She shook her head "James no" he continued to pull her toward the door, Fleur on his heels. She shook her head "this is a bad idea James' but he still wouldn't listen. He tugged her through their hallway and grabbed the keys off the table. He managed to get her through the door and locked it quickly "This won't work" she protested, standing by their car, her hands on her hips. He took the same stance and stared her down.

"If you're not getting into that car, I'm carrying you there and you know I can go for hours Blondie" he winked, he was no longer angry at her and she laughed in relief. She opened the car door and slid inside, Fleur jumping onto her lap with a joyful expression and Sawyer slid in beside her. "In the back fluff ball" and the dog leapt into the back and she smiled again. He made her feel light hearted. "I wish you had told me this before" he said softly, turning on the car, "everything" she looked down, her hand resting on her stomach as she remembered the life that had stirred in there so long ago. "I will always love you" he continued "but things like that, like this, I need to know"

"I'm sorry" she whispered "I just didn't know how to tell you" she paused "without terrifying you" she gave a small smile and he chuckled but there was still pain in his eyes as they drove. "James?" He gave a small grunt "I'll always love you too, you know that right?"

"I know it Barbie"

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_**Flashback:**_

_Miles and Jin were outside the house, it was still early so he expected that Sawyer and Juliet would be inside fast asleep. However, some people were getting up to go to work so maybe they were out of the house- neither of them knew. They hadn't got a chance to go back to the house, they'd drunk too much and someone had taken pity on them and let me sleep on the coach in their home. Now, when they'd come home to change and shower, the door was locked. Jin sat on the seat close to the door, his head in his hands nursing a headache. Miles on the other hand, was debating whether it was worth pissing off Sawyer and Juliet in order to go have a shower, plus, he really needed to pee._

_"Open up" he hammered on the door and waited for a response, none came and he stamped his foot in frustration. He couldn't hear anything from inside. James and Juliet had been fighting tooth and nail for the last few days so he doubted they would be having breakfast, they were probably sulking in their room. He slammed his fists against the door again "Juliet! Open up!" he decided to call her instead of their other roommate; though Juliet was not one to be messed with, she could empathise with them, James on the other hand, would not._

_"They're probably just asleep" Jin murmured "And please stop shouting, my head hurts" it was times like these when he missed his wife's gentle voice and how she would bring him a glass of cool water. He thought about her every day, and their child, he knew he would probably never see either of them now which left him desolate. Sure he joked around with Miles, his friend, but in reality he wanted nothing more than to go home._

_The door was yanked open and Sawyer stood on the other side of the door, wearing only a loose pair of trousers, his hair was tousled and his eyes angry. Miles noticed that he was covered in sweat, he gulped "Can you not take a hint when the door's locked" he growled "wadda'ya want?"_

_Miles stood in terrified silence, unable to get the words out "James, who is it?" Juliet's voice calmed him instantly; she could always quell Sawyer's temper. He looked over Sawyer's shoulder to try and see her. She had stuck her head out of Sawyer's room and when she saw them she walked out, she was wearing an old shirt of his. Oh dear, this wasn't good. She almost tiptoed over to them, leaning over him, her hands resting on his shoulders she smiled at Miles "James, let them in"_

_Sawyer grunted in reply and moved out the way, Miles dashed to the bathroom and Jin walked in slowly behind him. He regarded the two of them with red-rimmed, swollen eyes "It's about time" he said finally and moved to his room, closing the door. Sawyer and Juliet were left standing the middle of the room, his arm loosely draped around her and her head resting on his shoulder, she sighed. Feeling for the man who had lost his wife and child, she couldn't imagine going through pain like that. She was distracted as she felt James' arm slide from her shoulder to round her waist, she turned and hugged him- the first non sexual contact they'd had in a while._

_"let's go get dressed' she whispered, he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips and nodded. They both went into their own rooms and closed the door._

**_END FLASHBACK_**

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"James I still don't think this is such a good idea" they were sitting in the car, looking toward the little white house with the blue door. There was a car parked in the drive so they both knew that Rachel was in the house, going about her everyday life and unaware that her long-lost sister was sitting outside her house.

"Listen" he shifted in his seat to face her "You have to do this; you have to face to it. This is your sister, you sacrificed everything for her" she nodded but didn't move. He saw the fear and apprehension in her face, this was her sister and because of her she had gone to the island. The last time she had seen her face to face... she'd been a different person, softer and more optimistic about life. He took her hand and kissed it softly "You always have me, you know that" she nodded again but her eyes never left the blue front door. He sighed and got out of the car. He heard her call his name and he turned "Leave this to me sweetheart" it was the same tone he used when he was acting entirely in her interest and she finally relaxed, watching.

He walked slowly up the path to the front door, through the window he could see a little blonde boy curled up on an armchair watching TV and he smiled, that boy wouldn't be here if it weren't for Juliet. He knocked on the door and waited. The door was on a chain and he saw Rachel look out, she saw him and immediately went to shut the door, he stuck his foot in the gap, "Not so fast"

"What do you want" her voice was harsh "You here to torture me some more on my sister?" behind the anger was a hurt he recognized from the woman he loved, sitting in the car.

"Quite the contrary" he said through clenched teeth "I'd love to talk more but you're crushing my foot" she sighed and nodded. He pulled his foot out of the gap and she shut the door, he could hear her unlatching the chain and after a split second the door opened, she stood there, hands on hips. He again knew she was nowhere near as beautiful as Juliet but there were similarities, for example he stance right now- the folded arms, the guarded expression- was exactly the same as Juliet when talking to someone she didn't trust. "I do want to talk to you about your sister" her hand shot up to the door to slam it and he put his hands in the air "woah, woah, woah. Fine, if you don't want to talk to me..."

"I don't" came the sharp reply "you do nothing but lie. You're an extension of the Oceanic six right? Yet you say you lived with her for three years and knew her before that. You weren't on that island long enough, nowhere near long enough for her to fall in love with you. Juliet never fell for someone easily. Also, why are there no records of her from the island? There must have been a death certificate"

"As I was saying" his fists were clenched and he looked quickly over his shoulder to see Juliet getting out of the car, wringing her hands nervously "If you don't want to talk to me, you can talk to her"

She shook her head "you're sick, you said she was dead remember?" she looked up and that's when she saw her. She stood still for a moment, going absolutely white. Juliet walked slowly toward her and as she stopped by James, looking at her sister in silence. James took her hand and squeezed it softly, she squeezed it back. The two sisters looked at each other in silence then, without a word, Rachel gathered her little sister in her arms "Juliet" she whispered and suddenly broke away and shook her "What happened to you!" tears were pouring down her cheeks "Why didn't you come back! Why did he say you died...I don't..." Juliet placed a finger on her lips.

"We should go inside" she murmured.

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They were sitting in Rachel's comfortable living room; Juliet could hear the television from the room opposite and the giggles of her nephew. Rachel had stepped out to make tea, leaving her on the sofa and Sawyer was standing by the window, looking out at the road. Juliet turned toward him "James" she said quietly and he turned and smiled at her.

"Do you want me to go Jules" he asked her, worried he would be holding her back, that he would be getting in the way "I wouldn't be offended or anything, just say the word and I'm outta here"

She shook her head "I've been waiting for this for so long and now..." he walked toward her and sat down next to her. He took one of her hands and clasped it with his own as if anchoring her there and keeping her steady and protected.

He turned and whispered in her ear "You're worried, scared. I get it, but you can do this" she nodded and gave him a weak smile, this was her sister, her family and she had to regain the relationship that had been broken when she went to the island- supposedly for her sister. She leant closer into him and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes for a moment and the two sat there, Sawyer felt Juliet's body relax against his own. He nudged her lightly as Rachel re-entered the room carrying drinks, Juliet lifted her head and readjusted herself-though she didn't pull her hand away from James.

"I still can't quite believe it" Rachel settled herself on the armchair opposite the couple "I'm guessing the job wasn't as close as you'd hoped"

Juliet laughed "No, no it wasn't" there was a long silence.

Rachel was still looking at her expectantly.


End file.
